[Ars Mysteriorum]

Nobilis. Hands DOWN.

Here is a game where you are literally god-like. And you can create your own universe as your hometown. Do you like space opera? Are you the Power of Destruction? Guess what! You are Darth Vader, cloaked in darkness with all the power of the Dark Side of the Force in your hands. None of that Midichlorian bullcrap. You are a Dark Lord in all his Evil Majesty.

You're bearing down on Yavin 4 and this time, there's not going to be a Luke Skywalker. That's right. Those rebel bastards are really gonna get it. BOOM! Their impending screams of fear and agony make you drunk with power.

You put your finger on the shiny red button labeled "Kill Rebel Scum" as Moff Tarkin's skeletal face pulls into an expression you can only interpret as glee.

You begin to push the button.

Then you feel a tingle in your spine like someone just shanked you from behind with a knife made of ice. The very concept of Destruction is being undermined in reality and is beginning to exist less. Well, crap.

So you scream a curse word, get in your TIE fighter and go back to the crappy real world to find out nasty fey-like beings (called Excrucians) from outside "reality" have conspired a plot. They have managed to start making the idea of Destruction exist a little less by turning the War in Iraq into Entertainment rather than Destruction through some terribly clever means I do not have the capability of mapping out here while I'm at work.

So you force choke a few of the right people and twist the media coverage into showing the horrors of destruction and death. There we go. That's not so bad. But then, in order to really screw over the Excrucians you have to do a ritual. Involving flowers. A very detailed ritual with very detailed flowers. Seriously. There's a whole appendix dealing with it.

Flowers...?!

FLOWERS?!

DARTH F$#%ING VADER DOES NOT USE FLOWERS!

So when Darth Vader gets done fondling some pansies, he returns to his happy little universe he arrives just in time to see a squad of X-Wings and the Millenium Falcon gunning for the Death Star.

Well, crap again.

This is game is the very idealization of what an RPG is. Masterfully crafted and beautifully written. And I absolutely REFUSE to play it. Nor will I part with it.

Naturally, it sits on my shelf in a place of respect, but out of the way from my other, more used books. It's the greatest game I will never play.